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This Blog used to be about the question: What is Science?
Now, it asks: What is Happiness?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Sex, Excrement and Beautiful Women


Local Klu Klux Klan threatens to sue the author of this blog for libel! Watch this space for the full story...all the gory details!

Having been thrown off the KKK mailing list I now am able to spend more time with the beautiful people on Heeealth all about it!

Previously I mentioned a subscription I took out purely by chance. Every day I receive an update from Health Kicker. I have hundreds of them sprinkled all over my unopened inbox. My bi-weekly email purge usually happens over a plate of oats (see blog on this) and a mug of unsweetened tea. The conscious reduction in sugar somes from a nagging thought in my head that maybe my diet is a little skewed towards the easy stuff, the tasty stuff, the BAD stuff, the refined carbos!
So, it was with some interest that I scanned the first of the Healthkicker updates about to be tossed into eternity.

Leader Article: 'What is Normal Eating?'

Having spent some time getting to understand how the human body metabolizes the food we eat and separating myths from half truths I filled up my tea mug and settled down for an interesting read. Now, remember that most my fellow subscriptants on this site are sub 30ish and non Bridge and Tunnel folk from Manhatten. This alone gives a slant on what is said. As I read the comments I have a picture in my head of the author and sometimes it makes for real good television.
This is how it works......
The originator of Health Kicker wakes up in the morning after a night of perfect sex and strawberries with a perfect stranger who is perfectly gone by breakfast and then she has a perfectly indulgent cold shower in a translucent rooftop shower cubicle overlooking the Hudson River.
Over brekkies she scours her fave lifestyle sites for anything health trend related and by the time her croussante is barely cripple she has the first hook for her own blog.
In her own very zippy and accessible style she shares her daily collection of tales with her salivating awaiting following by adding the words, 'Well, what do you think?'

We all think something and we all like the idea of our comments and name being read by sub 30 somethings in New York, so we add our bit and feel great.
What a recipe for a successful blog! Do the math and work out how many girl hours you command with a daily site like this and you understand, once again, the power of the internet to carve a singularly successful yet virtual cash kitten.

So, the original article by Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. which appeared in was reprinted by twikletoes who runs health kicker and got the attention of a whole lot of health kicker psychophants like me who, instead of getting on with the day, decided to add it in turn to their own blogs.......

But what really interests me is the personae and their comments.

Meet HisKeiki, sub30s Hawaaian lass whose homepage is preempted with a 10ft wide banner headline proclaiming: 'I want to be the one you want && Love. I'm lost without you."
She writes: 'i've never thought about eatin "normal", lol. I eat what I want when I want, but I do try to incorporate healthy things and always drink enough water.'

If you look at her svelte 20 something body you can understand how there in Alabama or wherever she lives there really is no need to think about what you eat.

Close on her heels we meet Orlando!
Orlando's profile pic is a BIG Close Up of a human eye. This is a real live manhattanner who strangely only seems to have confidence in the physical appearance of his right eyeball and then prevents anyone but for his close and chosen ones, eyeballing his website by hiding it behind elaborate passwords.

Despite this reclusive and depressive existance his comment on normal eating shows that he really does have something useful to contribute.

My confused question is simply this: "In a subworld populated by beautiful young women what is Orlando looking for? Is he hoping to meet someone? Is this a desparate cry for help from the oppression of the megacity? God only knows.

I am reminded once again of my good and old friend, Hector Carbuncle, whose sole comment on eating the last time I saw him was, "Well of course you agree that the Atkins Diet doesn't work!"
Thankfully I don't hear from him too much since he got involved with the local chapter of the KKK, fondly hiding under the pseudonym of ZEN and The Art of not so subtle racism. It appears from my thinning inbox that I have been banned from Hector's mailing list, thereby liberating 3 hours a day from answering his one line insanities. The challenge now is to rid myself of the health kickers. That, I am afraid will be more difficult. They are, after all, a lot more sexy that Hector and the KKK.

The problem, of course, is that very sexiness and the desparate need that we all seem to have to be desired and looked at by the attractive sex. Meet 'Secret Diary', who clearly has no need of any personal physical appearance crisis but apparently is consumed by it.

SD is my personal favourite. In fact I feel I know her deeply and intimately, such is the need for people to share their innermost secrets of the Internet. Maybe this is the REAL BEST DIET! Share your weightloss program with the entire world and the effect should be Weight Watchers exponential!

There is of course a sadness to all this and the awareness of how privileged we are to be living in Africa, where real issues are there to be dealt with. When there is no food to had and ultra thin bodies are related to dreadful pandemics, there is no more room for the indulgent cries of fattened first worlders.

Somewhere here there is a lesson to be learnt...or maybe just a universal truth about us humans. What do you think? Comment!


Wisdom from the kitchen:
Gran - I read somewhere that in Nairobi the women don't work.
Me: Yes, they do.
Gran: Not in the house, I mean. Who does your ironing?
Me: A man....yes, when it comes to house help (or as they still say in boys) it is mostly men. The question is what are the women doing?
Gran: It comes from long time ago when the men went hunting and the women looked after the children. They worked out the other day, there was an article in the paper, we have so many million or billion blacks in the country and the average zulu produces so many children. In 10 years how many zulus are there going to be? They said that they must learn to use the land they have been given. So many farms have been given to them and they are all lying fallow. They have just put lots of donkeys and cattle on them them. Here and there some of the women have started growing cabbages but they do not plant for the market. they are not a vegetable eating nation. They eat cabbages, madumbis (wild potatos) and African potatoes. They don't plant peanuts and wheat. One old farmer stayed behind and showed them but it didn't help. Some of the Africans sublet those farms to white farmers who then farm for them.

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